FEAR

Over the past few years, I have been working with my coach to gain a better insight of myself. The purpose of this was to help my tennis but it has also helped me in everyday life. Further to this, it has provided me the opportunity to grow and improve as a person.

My journey into my own self as a person has been quite confronting and difficult at times. I put this down to a fear of being confronted by things that a person might see about themselves which they might not like or thing that challenge their perceptions of reality.

We have worked hard to help improve on areas such as discipline, commitment, courage and belief, which all link together to form character.

For the past few days, I have been doing some reflecting about my life lately in relation to all the changes that have happened so far eg. sale of my car, passing of Karma, informing my school of leaving, organising my visa and dealing with the paperwork for my new school as well as the things that will be happen in the near future e.g. saying goodbye to my students, missing my partner, leaving home, moving to a new country, finding somewhere to live, setting up new bank accounts and developing new local friendships.

All this change has been extremely scary. There has been many occasions when it felt all to difficult or scary to deal with and felt that it would be much easier, just stay where I am, where it is safe and secure. I guess you could call it “my safety blanket area of life.”

So what has this got to do with fear? Well, with all these changes that are happening in my life, I have most definitely been pushed out of my comfort zone. It is the fear of the unknown, the uncertainty, something new and unfamiliar that is fuelling my thoughts of staying.

I strongly believe that there are many times in life, where we come to a point of time and we have to make a decision that is life changing. As the saying goes “Do we take the road less travelled or stay with what we know?” It is at this decision making point that fear is at its strongest and can majorly influence ones choice.

So how am l dealing with the fear that I having? Firstly, acknowledging the fear (irrational and rational fears) and realise that I am the one creating this fear in my head. It is my belief that most fears that people have are created by the person feeling it.

Secondly, is understanding where that fear is coming from. What is causing the fear? For me it is simply self doubt in myself. Self doubt like;

• What if this is the wrong decision?
• Am I capable of doing this?
• What will people think of me if I mess something up and don’t make it?
• What happens if it doesn’t workout in China?

Thirdly, is working out how to control and deal with the fears and not let the fear be the one in control. For myself, now that I have worked out where my fears have come from, I can logically answer the questions to help reduce my fear and anxiety about all the changes that are happening. If you are wondering what my answers were, then I shall tell you.

1. It doesn’t matter if the decision that I make is the wrong one or the right one. It is impossible to tell at this moment. Only time will tell. But if it is a bad decision then it would not have be the first bad mistake I have made and certainly won’t be the last one either.

2. Considering I have been teaching full time for past 15 years in various socio-economic levelled schools as well as teaching students from prep to grade 12, I have learnt that the basic foundations of learning are are basically the same but with minor adjustments. Further to this, my new class will be grade 4, which just happens to be the grade that I have been teaching for the previous 7 years. So this should hold me in a good place when I doubt myself again about being capable.

3. It really doesn’t matter what people think of me if I mess up and don’t make it. What actually matters is that I have given 100% effort in trying to do the best possible job that I can do. Being able to look at myself in the mirror and know I have given 100% is enough.

4. Interestingly enough I watched a video a few months ago where it stated that when you doing something like I am doing, (it also applies to people who are trying to make it in sport) that one should never just have Plan A. Plan A must also have a Plan B attached to it before even starting Plan A. There must always be a back up plan. So in answering what if I don’t make it or it doesn’t work out in China (My Plan A) then my Plan B is that I can still return back home to Australia and do relief teaching while I am still on leave.

After working through all the things that were causing my fears and anxieties, I feel like I am now in more control and in a better position to deal with everything.

I really don’t think I could have dealt with this situation or been able to take an opportunity like this a few years ago because I believe that my character didn’t have the tools and strategies in place. I think in the past my character would have chosen my safety blanket and stayed with what is safe and secure.

This decision is based on the fact that my character, back then, had a lack of discipline, a lack of commitment, a lack of courage and a lack of belief in myself.

After all this, I guess the biggest thing I have learnt from this experience is that fear can be a large and difficult obstacle to overcome at times. But it comes down to how committed one is, how much courage one has, how disciplined one can be, how much trust and belief in oneself has and how one handles oneself when confronted by and dealing with these fears, which allows people to see the type of character one is.

So I must give a massive THANK YOU to my coach for all of the looking into the mirror moments over the past few years, which has provided me with these amazing opportunities and personal growth both on and off the tennis court. Another big THANK YOU must also go to my beautiful partner. Without her support and encouragement, this would also not be possible.